What If Your Disengaged Board Is Actually a YOU Problem?

You’ve heard it.

Maybe it was at a board meeting.

Maybe it was in the hallway after.

Maybe it was in that tone (Oh, you know damn well what the tone is) where someone says something and then leans back in their chair like they just solved all conflict in the Middle East:

“Well, I gave at the office.”

Their version of a mic drop. Arms crossed. Done.

As if their physical presence at six board meetings a year and a $37 gift during the annual campaign is the full and complete extent of what it means to serve on a nonprofit board.

And look, before I go any further, I need to say something that might be a little off brand.

What if I told you this might not entirely be their fault?

“Woah. Wait, You’re Not Going to Bash My Board or at Least Lay the Lack of Engagement Blame on Their Lap??”

Oh, believe me. I could.

I’ve done it before, will do it again, and will continue to push nonprofit leadership to rid themselves of the concept of “we’ve always done it that way.” I don’t mind calling it like I it like I see it.

But here’s where I’m going to push you a little bit today.

Because this one’s a two-way street.

Yes, your board member who says “I gave at the office” and thinks that’s sufficient?

That’s a problem.

But have you ever actually had a real conversation with that board member about what you need from them?

Not a presentation at a board meeting.

Not a packet of curiously long expectations handed out during orientation.

Not a passive-aggressive comment in the parking lot after they left early.

An actual really real conversation. 

One-on-one. Human to human. Over coffee, or lunch, or a phone call where you actually ask: “What made you say yes to this board? What do you care about? What are you good at? How do you want to be involved?”

It might not be easy to hear, but:

If you don’t know how your board members tick, that’s a YOU problem. Not a them problem.

Ouch. I know.

Stay with me here.

The “Time, Talent, and Treasure” Thing Is Real - But Only If You Actually Use It

We love to throw around “time, talent, and treasure” in the nonprofit world like it’s some kind of magic incantation while you cosplay a wizard in your monthly LARPing group.

Say it three times at a board retreat and suddenly everyone’s engaged.

Except we almost never actually break it down for individual board members.

We treat the board like a monolith - one big group that should all do the same things - when in reality, every single person on your board has a different combination of time, talent, and treasure that they’re able and willing to give.

Ron has money but no time.

Janet has connections but hates events.

Steve has time and passion but is on a fixed income.

Gail is a CPA who would absolutely overhaul your financial reporting if you just asked her directly instead of assuming she’d volunteer.

And the board member who says “I gave at the office”? Maybe their treasure IS their contribution, and what you actually need from them is their talent or their time or their Rolodex. 

But nobody ever asked.

Because the only conversations happening are in board meetings where everybody’s performing for each other instead of being real.

Get to Know Your Board Like You Get to Know Your Donors

I’ve been obsessed with this idea for awhile now.

If a major donor gave you $5,000, you would learn everything about that person. Their birthday. Their kids’ names. What they care about. Why they give. What programs light them up. You’d take them to coffee. You’d send them handwritten notes. You’d invite them to see the work firsthand. You would cultivate that relationship like your job depended on it.

Because it does.

Now tell me: when’s the last time you did ANY of that for a board member?

Most nonprofit leaders interact with their board members exclusively in the context of board meetings.

That’s it.

Once a month, maybe once a quarter, in a conference room with an agenda and Robert’s Rules of Order and that one person who always asks a question right when you’re about to adjourn.

That’s not a relationship.

That’s a committee.

And if the only time your board members hear from you is when there’s an agenda attached?

Don’t be surprised when they treat their involvement like a transactional obligation instead of a meaningful partnership.

So What Do You Actually Do About It?

Here are three things you can do this week to start shifting your board from “I gave at the office” to “what else can I do?”

1.    Take ONE Board Member to Coffee This Week (No Agenda Allowed)

I’m serious. No agenda. No packet. No “by the way, we really need help with the gala.”

Just coffee.

Ask them questions you’ve never asked:

“What originally made you say yes to joining this board?”

“What’s the part of our mission that fires you up the most?”

“What are you good at that we’re not using?”

“What would make this board experience more meaningful for you?”

Then shut up and listen. Actually listen. Not “listen while mentally drafting your response” listen. Like, listen-listen.

I guarantee you will learn something about that board member that changes how you work with them. And they will walk away from that coffee thinking, “Huh. That’s the first time anyone at this organization asked me what I actually want to do.”

One coffee. One board member. This week. That’s your homework.

2.    Create a “Board Member Menu” (Not a Board Packet)

Nobody reads the board packet. We all know this.

The board packet is the nonprofit equivalent of the iTunes Terms and Conditions.

Everyone agrees to it. Nobody has ever read it. And thank goodness there isn’t a human centipede clause in it. Because that would be awful if it was in there.

Instead, try this: create a simple one-page menu of ways board members can contribute outside of meetings. Not a mandate. A menu. Options. A super cool Board of Director’s choose your own adventure.

Things like:

— Make one introduction to someone you think should know about our work

— Write two thank-you notes to donors this quarter

— Share one social media post a month

— Invite one friend to an event or a tour

— Use your professional skill (legal, financial, marketing, HR) for one specific project

The magic here is choice. 

When people pick their own involvement, they own it. When you assign involvement, they resent it. Human nature. Works the same with my kids and chores, and it works the same with your board and fundraising.

And suddenly “I gave at the office” becomes “I gave at the office AND I made two introductions this quarter AND I wrote a thank-you note to our biggest donor.”

Same board member. Different framework.

3.    Normalize Conversations Outside of Board Meetings

This is the biggest one. This is the mindset shift that changes everything.

Stop treating board meetings as the only place where board relationships happen.

If the only time you talk to your board members is with a PowerPoint and a financial report, you have a governance structure, not a team.

And governance structures don’t raise money.

Teams do.

Start reaching out between meetings. Not with asks. Not with updates. Just with human connection.

A text: “Hey Janet, saw this article and thought of you.”

A quick call: “Just wanted to let you know the program you asked about is going great.”

An invite: “We’re doing a site visit Thursday - any chance you could join for 30 minutes?”

These micro-interactions build the kind of trust and connection that makes board members want to do more. Not because you guilted them into it at a meeting, but because they actually feel like part of something.

You know what a board member who feels genuinely connected to your organization never says?

“I gave at the office.”

They say, “What else can I do?”

Now, listen, disengaged boards don’t happen overnight.

They happen slowly, meeting by meeting, year after year, until one day you look around the table and realize you’ve got a room full of people who care about your mission but have absolutely no idea how to help beyond showing up and approving the minutes.

And yes, some of that is on them. Board members should take initiative. They should ask questions. They should lean in.

But a lot of it? A lot of it is on us.

The EDs. The development directors. The people who treat board members like a necessary evil instead of what they actually are: volunteers who said yes to your mission and are waiting to be activated.

If you’ve been frustrated with your board, I get it.

But before you write them off, ask yourself: have I actually invested in these relationships the way I invest in my donor relationships?

If the answer is no - and for most of us, it’s no - that’s where the work starts.

OK, Your Turn!

I want to hear from you. Hit reply, send me a DM, snail mail…I don’t care. Tell me:

When’s the last time you had a real, no-agenda conversation with a board member? And what did you learn?

Maybe you’ve got a board member who went from disengaged to your biggest champion because of one conversation. Tell me that story, I’ll share it (with permission) so other folks can see what’s possible.

Maybe you’re realizing right now that you’ve never had a one-on-one conversation with half your board. That’s OK! That’s actually great! Because now you know where to start.

Send me your answer: patrick@dogoodbetterconsulting.com or just reply with INFO if you want to talk about transforming your board from attendees into actual partners.

Together, we’ve freaking got this!

-Patrick

P.S. This is one of a series of MAYDAY Distress Signals - real problems I hear from nonprofit pros every single week. If you’re tired of figuring it out alone, Do Good YOUniversity re-launches May 1st with on-demand training, community, and tools built for fundraisers like you. MORE SOON!